Finding out that you are about to be a single, 40 year old first time Mother is a lot. It is heavy, scary and exciting all in one breath. I found out that I was carrying a life – a whole baby. Me, self-centered, sleep until 10 on the weekends, wine whenever and lifestyle expert (party-girl) Sharelle D. Lowery, is having a baby. Pregnant #ItsTrue
October 1st was the day that changed my life. I now hear the words from Lauryn Hill, Zion.
“And I thank you for choosing me
To come through unto life to be
A beautiful reflection of His grace
For I know that a gift so great
Is only one God could create.”
It’s amazing how knowing that you have a life depending on you makes you see the world in a whole different way. I actually cannot believe that I have not had a child before now. I love the way that this responsibility feels. I can see how women end up having MANY children-it’s empowering.
Pregnant Implantation Bleeding
At 7 weeks and 2 days I woke up one morning on my way to work and while getting ready I noticed that I was bleeding a little bit. This was a huge fear for me. Was I already losing this blessing? I had heard about so many women who had lost so many babies. I called my mother and we went to emergency. After only about 30 minutes in the hospital I was looking at my little babies heart beat and I have never been in love like this before. Tears just rolled down my eyes. My little baby was doing fine, Sweet Pea’s heart beat was very strong. I had what was called implantation bleeding. When the little sucker plants themselves into your body to make a nice warm home sometimes you bleed a little bit. Thanks Baby! Although I was totally stressed, I was able to see my little one and now I have his first picture on my coffee table.
No Morning Sickness…However
I was nauseous almost every day. Sometimes several times a day. I have not thrown up (Thank God). As I am moving into my second trimester I do not get sick but I DO have a fussy palate. This week I only want Doritos, cheese and Bobby Salazars salsa. #KanyeShrug
Big sigh, I thought that the consistent sex (with said Cutty Buddy alias Sperm Donor) would be what I would miss the most while being pregnant…but it’s a nice glass of Red Wine and a cup of Coal Black Coffee in the morning time that have me jonesing. Both of which I cut cold turkey because my baby means more to me than relaxing easily or getting fired up. Honestly, it is nice to be completely lucid during this time. I don’t want to miss a single moment of being pregnant.
No Present Partner
After I celebrate with the close people that I have shared my pregnancy with, the first thing that they ask is, “Who is the Father?” This is when I have to woman up. My baby’s father is a gentleman that I met at a Warriors Finals Celebration Party. We were cutty buddies and that is all. He was more than disappointed that I was carrying his seed. While I didn’t expect for him to be doing back flips, I did not expect for him to blame me as if I had tampered with our protection, we didn’t use any.
He actually asked me if I was “taking something” to help me get pregnant. I said “Yes, Dick.”
I have learned that while you can absolutely HOLD it down by yourself, that not having somebody there is painful and lonely. If by chance God sees fit for me to have another baby, I will not be alone. The baby deserves better and so does his Mother.
From the time that I told every single person, except my baby’s father, everyone was excited. Even the doctor at Emergency who gave me the actual diagnosis of “pregnant.” My Mother was delighted, my little Sisters were full of Glee, my Sorority Sisters were telling me about their pregnancies from the 90’s. I felt so supported and so loved. There is nothing like knowing that people are there for you “No Matter What!” My Mom and my little sisters have been so amazing…it makes me want to cry thinking about how blessed that I am to have them.
Every morning as I receive my daily message from Baby Story that tells me that I only have 199 or so days left and from Ovia who email me everyday telling me how far along my baby has developed and how many weeks and days that I am…I feel more empowered to have this baby. I want this life to impact the world, be kind to others, be better than me and bring joy to others in the way that I have experienced joy.
This is my first Baby Story of many. Welcome to My Baby’s World! I never thought that I would be a Mommy Blogger…but here I am! #MomLife