Occasionally we get email here at ClassyBlackGirl.com, especially for our relationship experts. This one letter on poor communication was so juicy that I had to also offer it to my female relationship expert, Jason Francis from TheSocialMediaSamurai.com to get his response! But first, let’s check out Jason’s thoughts!
—Poor Communication King
So I’m dating a guy that I dig. I mean really dig. We have a good time together and when we are together he is all about me. We see each other 1-2 times per week and its always super cool. The sexual chemistry is good, we laugh and whenever I leave him…I miss him already. I am used to men being on their communication A-game, calling and texting me 1-3 times per day. Not this dude. Sometimes we go 3-4 days without talking or texting. To me this is poor communication at its finest. We check in right before our dates and then we have a blast. We have only been dating for a month or so, and have not had sex, but I am actually afraid to extend any more intimacy because he seems to be so into his life that he doesn’t even think about me during the times that we don’t see each other. I have mentioned this to him and he always says that he is going to call-then he doesn’t. He is extra dependable and besides calling he does what he says that he is going to do and he is truly somebody that I would like to build with but we are not communicating to my liking.
Whats the deal? Am I stupid for even seeing him as more than a friend?
Ok lets start with some positive reinforcement. You’re not stupid for liking him but what you do from here on out could change that.
Now this may be a matter to wording but you said that your “sexual chemistry is good” but what does that mean if you later say you haven’t had sex? So what is your interaction level really? Flirting? Kissing? Oral but no penetration? Anyway, The good thing is that you haven’t invested so much time that it can be said that he’s using you. What it seems like (to me) is that he has a set space for you that fits within the life he lives and he isn’t pressed to change that. Yes he may be dependable most of the time, but the not calling (or poor communication) coupled with the silence creates an area of uncertainty. This uncertainty must be clarified before trying to go forward.
That space could simply be his own personal time for himself or for work. It could be his time with his friends or maybe time spent with another woman. I don’t assume that its always somebody else, but depending on the exclusivity of your situation it might be. Really it’s just on you to ask direct questions, define what you want and do not settle. From your description your interactions are treated like appointments. He makes them, confirms they are still good right before, then you go to it. It doesnt sound like he is building more than a buddy or a future booty call situation.
Establishing what you want is just as importantl as what you will not accept.
Jason Shoot me a Relationship or Lifestyle Tweet at @TrueOmegaNexus
You can find out more about Jason Francis by checking out his dope Social Media and Lifestyle blog at TheSocialMediaSamurai.com