Okay, now this may seem quite out of form from what I typically write about, but it is super relevant. Side chick etiquette. I am going to need you side chicks to go ahead and get some.
I was watching the news and I see that Rielle Hunter, John Edwards side thang and baby mama, now has a book out. It is entitled, “What Really Happened.” I am watching the morning news peeling my nectarine and I am thinking, “Really, bitch?” Where is your side chick etiquette?
I have never been married before, but I believe in respecting another person’s marriage. I think that John Edwards is the worst type of man, his supportive wife, Elizabeth Edwards, had been diagnosed with cancer and after a lengthy battle, she succumbed. He was cheating with Rielle Hunter and even had a child with her. How is that for a load of courtesy?
However, the saga continues because this side-chick, who should have understood that her place is a dark, dank, cold and quiet place now wants to be acknowledged. Hello, did she not get the memo??…Side chicks are a secret. The problem with this lack of understanding is that other side-chicks will be wanting to take their rightful place in the media, in your life and in your face-unapologetically while bad-mouthing the wife. She said that Elizabeth Edwards was “crazy.” WHAT? From a side chick?
It is bad enough that two people are disrespecting a union, but even worse that the side-chick wants to make it known and the monkey in the middle husband doesn’t even respect his wife enough, even in her passing, to keep this chick quiet.
Get your side chick etiquette here:
Here are some side-chick/side man-rules etiquette tips if you decide that you are going to travel down that road.
For the side chicks:
• He is not leaving his wife for you, you are there to satisfy what his wife cannot or will not.
• Do not try and be a part of his real life, you are a side-part. Thats all that you have got.
• He is not your man, your boyfriend or your dude-he does not belong you-he is already attached.
• Do not try and contact his wife in any way. You do not have a right to. Do not call the house, leave him notes or try and contact ANY of his family.
• Do not try and make yourself known to anybody that is important to him.
• Always make him wear a condom, really do you want to give birth to a child under those circumstances?
• Do not give him monkey bites or hickeys-you are just making it difficult for him to come back to you after he goes home and his wife sees evidence that you exist.
• Do not speak poorly of his wife. He married her, he is screwing you-he thinks less of you than he thinks of his wife and he is cheating on her. Think about it.
• Do not be delusional, have a good time, have great sex-do not get emotionally involved-he is not.
• Remember that he is also probably having sex with his wife as well…and probably somebody else too. Clearly monogamy is not his strong suit.
• Realize that you are not the priority, you are secondary and do not demand time that you did not earn.
• Do NOT get into a relationship with him even if he does leave his wife, he is not relationship worthy. He (just like you) is a slide.
• Do NOT write a damn book about how important you are/were, you are shouting out to other people(men), that you are side-chick quality and I SO want you to upgrade yourself.
Men if you have a side chick:
• Get your loyalties in order, if you are feeling the side chick like that-do your wife and family a favor and leave her because you are a looser.
• Do not raw-dog. Disease and pregnancies should be at the forefront of your mind.
• Do not let her give you monkey bites, have a little respect.
• You are dealing with a woman with low self-esteem and she needs acknowledgement, it will not surface at a good time-trust. Family events are great times for side-chicks to make themselves known.
• Do not speak poorly of your wife or family. It makes you look like an even bigger mark.
• Do not let have long-term relationships with these women, women are relationship minded and will think that “this is real.” Then the crazy woman can come out. More than 6 months guarantees an “exposure incident” with the wife and family.
• Do not take your side-chick out and about in public places in your neighborhood-respect your family.
• Realize that YOU are the jerk, you are cheating on your wife and this chick has no allegiance to your family or wife and will do whatever makes her feel good to end your marriage to start a monogamous relationship her.
• Control your side chick. Do not let her disrespect your marriage and family, no books, no Facebook messages on your wall, talking in the town about what you guys do.
These are just my own personal etiquette rules on the matter of side chicks and the awful men who make them side chicks.
Please feel free to email me at AskSharelle@ClassyBlackGirl.com if you have any comments or questions about this list-and I hope that you do.