So you’re on a date – maybe it’s the first date or it could be date number 200 – you realize the person you are sitting across from is just not for you. You decide to be an “adult” about it and have the discussion – Can we just be friends?
Article courtesy of Stanley Joseph.
The dating break up talk, which goes like:
“I don’t see us going any further but we just be friends.”
Why do you want to offer friendship when deep down inside you probably don’t ever want to see them again, and especially not in your personal life – hanging out with YOUR friends, going to your favorite places, or worse dating your friends. Yuck.
SO WHY OFFER FRIENDSHIP?
Is Friendship a consolation prize or is it a tether to revisit dating later on?
Now this is not your “friend with benefits” that I’m talking about here; this is the “absolutely no way you want to be romantically tangled with this person at all” type of friendship. Now I can’t tell you to dump the person or cut them out. It’s your choice(it’s everybody choice), but there has to be a guideline somewhere.
1. Discuss what type of friendship that this going to be. Why is this important? You’ve already have a best friend and friends – so are you going to be just texting buddies, or meet up for brunch every once in a while or possible business partners (hey there may be qualities in this person that can actually help you out).
2. You’ve got to establish boundaries. You don’t want things to get out of control. Is it okay for them or you to date each others friends? This is a touchy subject. Can you go back into a friendship/relationship that feels like you’re dating again? That can be messy. Remember boundaries are there to keep you and that other person – and anyone else, safe.
3. Be okay with the possibility that this friendship may not work and you will have to break it off completely.
4. Have the discussion that if the friendship phase actually opens up that you should wait to date. Maybe you needed to see them in a different setting that gives you both more time with no pressure to build a relationship. But be ready for something else-rejection. Maybe time revealed to them, that you are actually NOT the one.
Friendships should not be taken lightly, no matter where the origins begin nor loosely toss around like tic-tacs. Keep in mind, that MAYBE keeping this person around may stop them from meeting the person that will return the love they deserve that you can’t give them.
It’s totally okay to Just Be Friends, Really. However that must be communicated effectively.