Dear Ms. Class:
I have been dating a guy for 4 months now. He lives a town over and we see each other about twice a week. Last month after the obligatory 90 days, he asked me to be exclusive and I was really excited. But I had kind of ignored a few things, but after 30 days of being exclusive I have started having more demands. I started noticing that I was not getting phone calls after 9:30. When we first met I thought that it was because he was respecting me…now…what gives? How can I tell if I am the side chick, Classy?
Loretta F. Alpharetta, GA
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Hey Girl, Hey:
Girl I think that most of us can relate to your anxiety! I mean the thought of being an honorable girl and then feeling like you COULD be the side chick is a little disheartening. I dated a guy long distance that I was positively in love with-and I found out the *explicitive*was married. The worst part is that we had mutual friends (his fraternity brothers) that never bothered to mention this to me. So I feel your pain sista! However, I have complied 10 “indications” that you could be the side chick if you find that these are true! One or two will not do, but if he is at more than 50%. Cut him like a box-cutter.
Am I the Side Chick? | 10 Ways to Tell
1. If your man has unexplained time (consistently) and you dont get a call back after a certain time every night, this is not your man. You may be the side chick.
I was dating a guy who told me that he was a financial advisor and woke up at 7 am East Coast time and he would go to bed every night at 9 pm. I found out his wife worked swing shift. He was NOT my man, I was the side chick.
2. If he can never spend the night, he is not your man. Men like to pass out and go to sleep-after the show. if he bounces…You may be the side chick.
3. If you dont know his friends, except for one or two(because they have side chicks too)…that is not your man. No need in asking, Am I the Side Chick?…honey you are.
4. If text is your main form of communication, he is telling his main chick that he is emailing people at work or his boys. You may be the side chick if he doesn’t pick up the phone to hear your voice.
5. If Valentines Day comes (or another important day to be spent with important people), and he always gets sick or a bombing at his job happens. *smh* Baby, you are the side-chick.
READ: If You Are a Side Chick and Just Want to Know Your Place
6. If you have Never been to his house and slept in his bed(if you are having sex with him)-overnight…and left your chick smell and perfume on his sheets. You are most certainly the side chick, where do you usually sleep with him?
7. Your name is his phone is not your real name, but its either where you met, the name he calls your kitty or Dre (your name is Andrea). You Might want to ask yourself, Am I the Side Chick?
And ask him what your ring tone is as well. If you don’t want to ask, call him while you are together-accidentally of course.
If your Ringtone is Blow the Whistle…you probably have got some good talent and you may want to ask yourself, Am I the side Chick?
8. You do not connect on social media but you know that his status is single. I honestly do not like to meet men that know me from social media OR become facebook friends after we get together. So if your dude is cool on the other fronts, but doesn’t really want his online life to interfere with your new love life-I can actually understand this.
Note: If he doest NOT have a profile on any social media, this is THE BIGGEST RED FLAG! Now some people are computer illiterate and just dont get online. But if he has email an Iphone and texts you all day and does not have a facebook. He DOES have a facebook-your just blocked, boo. You Might want to ask yourself, Am I the Side Chick?
9. If your conversation is very simple and he never asks you about your life or family, your “relationship” is very surface and he does not have a desire to get to know you better-this is reason for concern. A man who really likes you will ask you about your life and wants to know how your life is going. In fact he wants to know how he can make it better-so that you will want to spend more time with him. If he never asks more than How is your day and it moves to hook up time, you might want to ask yourself, Am I the Side Chick?
10. If you feel like the side chick. If you have that creeping, sneaking suspicion and you ask yourself, “Am I the Side Chick?” you probably are.
It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that he is not making you a priority. Sometimes its not another woman(or man) that your man is cheating with, it could be his job or he just might not see you as good enough to be a MAIN CHICK. Either way, get rid of him. Another man would gladly have you as his main chick!
But Hey…Side Chicks Do Make Good!>>> READ About Alicia Keyes
If you have any other lifestyle questions, please email us at AskSharelle@ClassyBlackGirl.com